We did take a few days of vacation last week which is always…interesting in that the DH and I don’t usually spend that much time together. The things that come out of his mouth constantly amaze me and I’m often struck by his weird rationale.

More often than not I’m left wondering, “Do we actually inhabit the same planet, much less the same house?”

So, much like taking a circus act on the road, I thought I would share with you some of his DH-isms from the weekend.

DH is preparing to take Girl trout fishing. He hands her a camaflouge shirt.

DH: Try that on.

Me: Uh…am I confused? I thought we were going fishing.

DH: We are.

Me: Why does she need to wear camaflouge to fish?

DH: Because if the fish see her shadow in the water, it’ll spook’em.

Me: Let me get this straight…she’s wearing camaflouge so her shadow doesn’t spook the fish?

DH: Yeah.

Me: How the hell does camaflouge keep her from casting a shadow?

DH: It does. It works.

:happy2::wallbash::happy2:

Dh-ism #1: Camaflouge keeps fisherpeople from casting spook-inducing shadows on the trout stream.

Next insight. The DH walks into the room after a shower. I’ve got the brush in my hand and his hair is sticking up, so I reached over and brushed his hair into place, something I never do. Guess it’s a good thing. He walks by a mirror and yelps.

DH: What’ve you done to my hair?

Me: Huh? (Trust me, there’s not that much of it, so it’s darn hard to do much of anything.)

DH: You combed it in the wrong direction. I never part it on that side. That’s the side that girl’s part their hair on. You’ve parted my hair on the Girl side.

The Girl and I exchange a look as he’s frantically parting and brushing it the other way.

DH-ism #2: Parting a man’s hair on the “wrong” side can apparently totally emasculate him.

Oh, the power of a brush.:twisted: And unfortunately I can’t remember which side is which so now I’m tied up in knots cause maybe my hair is parted on “the man side.” 8O

And the final wisdom of my better half. We’re trout fishing at a stream. Well, they’re trout fishing and I’m watching. And getting bored after my nap on the stream bank. And it’s cold. So, I start talking and fooling around with little tiny rocks. I’ve discovered that my aim is quite good and I can nail both DH and the Girl.

DH: Jennifer, you’ve got to be quiet. We’re dealing with wild trout here. These are some smart fish and they spook easy. You’ve got to be quiet because these fish are wild.

As opposed to what? Tame trout? Pet trout? Oh, okay.

Care to share any weird-isms from your friends/family?

Girl has been out of school this week. Two months ago we booked a condo and planned to go to Gatlinburg for the week. Uh…we’re still here.

Original plan was to leave Saturday late afternoon after Girl’s final basketball game for the season. We kaboshed that so she could attend the basketball league banquet on Monday night. New Plan, Plan B, as of Saturday morning — leave Tuesday morning.

Mid-Monday. DH still has work at office. I need to work on book. Plan C — “Let’s leave Wednesday.”

Tuesday evening Girl is invited to a Georgia Tech basketball game on Wednesday night. We’re flexible. Plan D — Thursday morning departure.

As an aside note, our nephew is housesitting/pet sitting while we’re gone. I remembered to call him when we went to Plans B and C. However, yesterday I’m at my desk working on this new book when I hear a male voice call my name. Uh…I haven’t heard a door open and close and it’s not my husband’s voice. My heart’s pounding as I walk out of my office…and meet my nephew coming up the steps from downstairs. Ayyyyyye. We both screamed and cleared the ground. “You scared the sh*t out of me.” “Yeah, well you scared the sh&t out of me too.” “Sorry, by the way, we didn’t leave this morning.”:happy2:

So…it’s launch morning for Plan D. None of us have packed anything. Not that there’s much to pack for a two-day trip. I just can’t work up any enthusiasm for this. And my line edits are due to arrive today on my NASCAR book. Wonder if we’ll still be here when DHL delivers? Then I could use the four-hour drive up and the four-hour drive back to work on the line edits. Or maybe we could just leave this afternoon instead of this morning….:fryingpan:

I’m ill and out of sorts this morning. Grumpy. Girl and her friend slept dowstairs on sleeping bags last night (they’re out of school this week). This is also where our dogs are crated at night. Big dog kept barking. Not because they were bothering him but because he wanted to be stretched out on the couch next to them which isn’t going to work because you can’t count on him with the potty issue. :doh:

Barking at midnight. Barking again at 3 a.m. Barking at 5:30. Again at 6:45.

Thank goodness the girls seem to sleep through it. I wish I had. It’s rainy this morning so it must be the change in barometric pressure, but I feel as if I downed a pitcher of Texas margaritas last night.

And thus concludes my bitchfest, but turnabout is fairplay. Anything got you out of sorts this morning?

Yesterday I went to the movies…twice.

I took Girl and one of her friends to an early showing of The Bridge to Terebithia. Totally excellent movie. Not only were the actors great in their parts, that was some damn fine writing, imo. :thumbsup2::thumbsup2::thumbsup2::thumbsup2: There were lots of families in there but I also saw a 20-something childless couple and an older couple. Really, even if you don’t have kids, go to see this one.

Came home and cleaned house. Went to grocery store. Went for a 4-mile run. Watched last bit of the Daytona 500 (was that some freakin’ race or WHAT? Last lap and I was out of my chair, trying to push Mark Martin over the finish line ahead of Harvick — guess I didn’t push hard enough. Then I had to call Wendy Etherington because she’s the only other person that I knew would’ve watched the race and gave a flying fig.). Post-race I cooked a great dinner of Greek Shrimp Scampi (which I ate alone as the DH was at the office and Girl had gone to spend the night with her friend — which didn’t exactly work out and I had to go get Girl when she called at 3:15 a.m. to say “Mommy, I can’t sleep here. Can you come get me?”. While I was cooking I called a friend and said, “I’m going to see the late showing of Music and Lyrics. Wanna come?” She did.

Music and Lyrics was a good way to end the day. Hugh Grant doesn’t leave me weak at the knees, but I absolutely adore his droll delivery and he was in fine form. Drew Barrymore also did a great job with her role. I’ll have to say, I wasn’t feeling the romantic chemistry between the two. Instead I felt as if I were watching two people in the throes of forming a friendship — which was fine. Mediocre script carried by two fine actors.:thumbsup2::thumbsup2:

There are lots of good movies out now — well, they look good. Anyone else get to the movies this weekend?

This is a United Kingdom website featuring the 10 best pictures taken from the Hubble telescope. They are breathtaking! Keep clicking on NEXT to see all 10 of th e photos.

http://tinyurl.com/ybxvo5

I don’t dare go out in public today out of fear for my personal safety.

Dead-ass center between my eyebrows and half an inch up on my forehead is a huge zit which alarmingly resembles a bulls-eye. Given that there are more trucks than cars in my suburban paradise and hunting is a big deal out here in the hinterlands, I fear being mistaken for a moving target.

Nope. I’m not budging from my small castle today.

My friend and I were talking on the phone last night about the difference in Valentine’s Day and our expectations as we come to different places in our lives. When I was a teenager, I desperately wanted one of those satin hearts of cheap chocolates with a plastic rose on top.

When I was first married I still wanted that heart box and flowers. DH usually came through. Went through a period when I wanted candlelit dinners out and a nice piece of jewelry. That usually didn’t happen.:fryingpan: Now…here’s our pre-Valentine conversation from yesterday:

DH: What do you want for Valentine’s Day? I thougth about sending you flowers but didn’t think you’d want me to spend $60 that way.

Me: Nah. Don’t send me any flowers and I don’t need chocolates. But I know what I’m getting you.

DH: What? You don’t have to get me anything.

Me: Wanna know? I’m going to make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

DH: Really? You really are? Hey, that sounds good but what I’d like even more is liver with onions and mashed potatoes.

Me: I can do that.

So…my Valentine’s Day gift to my beloved is liver and onions with homemade mashed potatoes. His gift to me…he’s actually going to come home for dinner instead of working late. And the really sad part is he’ll be much happier if we just park it in front of the t.v. in our matching recliners and watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire instead of me forcing him to park it at the dining room table with a couple of candles going.:mrgreen:

What are your plans…even if they are unorthodox — well, keep it relatively clean for blog purposese:twisted:.

My daughter, aka Girl, has two friends that come over regularly. I like both of these kids. They’re fun and funny and I enjoy having them over nearly as much as Girl does. BUT (you could see the big BUT coming, couldn’t you?) these kids are driving me crazy on the food front. They don’t eat normal food that I can tell.

One doesn’t eat any fruits or vegtables AT ALL except for apples and no fish. She eats apples, peanut butter, bacon, sausage, chips, mac&cheese, and drinks sodas. Problem is I don’t buy chips or sodas and I don’t keep bacon and sausage on hand.

The other one…well, the only thing I know for certain that she eats is peanut butter mixed with syrup. And chips. And soda. Other than that, I’m pitching strikes. She came over last weekend and I made a homemade chicken pot pie. I make my own sauce, pick off the the chicken, mix in vegtables and top it with a pie crust. It’s incredibly good. Girl says, “Oh, My Friend doesn’t like chicken pot pie.” Yesterday I made breakfast, the friend assured me she liked scrambled eggs, grits, and toast. One bite of everything and the rest in the garbage. (And hey, I’m a darn good cook) Later I offered to grill them hamburgers. Girl says, “My Friend doesn’t like hamburgers.”

What the heck do these kids eat? My kid eats pretty much anything except she’s never been fond of dried beans and she doesn’t care for rice and she doesn’t do liver (not surprising). Other than that, she’s easy. Eggs florentine, asparagus, sweet pototoes, squash sauteed with onions, banana pancakes, Caesar salads, chicken, fish…you get the picture. Yep, she’s fond of french fries, mac&cheese, hamburgers, and soda, but geeze Louise, she does eat other things.

These kids are guests in my house but I’m not sure how far I’m willing to go to accomodate their very limited palates. There’s a part of me that wants to treat them the same way I’ve treated my daughter since she was little, “This is what we’re having. I’m not a short order cook. Eat it or make yourself a bowl of cereal.” :fryingpan: